The idea of a survival guide for misfits started when my kid came home from elementary school and asked if he was weird. Most of my friends fall into that category with unconventional interests and nontraditional jobs so it was a proud moment and I answered with a congratulatory, “Yes! And being weird is awesome!”
Then I realized that he might not be so sure being weird was awesome. I remembered my childhood and the desperate desire to fit in and my obvious failure to accomplish that task. Like a piñata stuffed full of anxiety and self-doubt awaiting that final hit, I tried and failed to not be different, second guessed myself about everything, wished upon whatever that I looked and acted and felt like a “normal” person. The radical part for a misfit is how that inability to conform ejects you onto a journey that can eventually land you in a place of gratitude for being all askew and outcast. That said, the journey isn’t going to be easy. There is a reason why people love conformity and the predictable security it offers.
But what the conformists have declared “wrong” with you can help guide you towards subcultures that celebrate so called imperfections. Misfit subcultures illuminate hidden strengths outside of conventionality as they encourage DIY solutions and a sense of discovery develops a dynamic approach to life. To map out this journey, I collaborated with an assortment of fellow outcasts, some of whom are now internationally celebrated for exactly what used to earn them abuse. Their personal stories and learned hacks will hopefully inspire people to recognize that while it might not be straightforward, being a misfit can be rewarding if you learn to embrace unconventionality, AKA, all the things that make you “weird.”
Here’s a list of books that might make feeling like a misfit a little less lonely.
I’ve read this book more times than any other book. Every couple of years I’ll crack it again. That sounds tough until I admit that it’s only 117 pages long. I went to school in Canada and this was a staple for grade eleven English and while there is a shocking killing within the pages, there are also some of the most absurdly funny sections out of any book I ever read in a classroom. There’s a scene where Meursault is talking to a priest in jail and you’re following how he analyses motivations and peels the layers of social situations in a very childlike, innocent manner that befuddles and angers people around him. Throughout the book people keep pressuring him to act a certain way, even if he doesn’t mean it, and he can’t understand why anybody would do that. There was one other misfit in my English class, Geoff, and we would both laugh out loud at the main character’s commentary on certain situations. We couldn’t understand why nobody else in class thought those parts were funny. That said, it’s actually a heavy book about how and why society condemns people for not following unsaid rules.
This book has a lot of pages so you get the bonus of feeling fantastically accomplished as you haul it around. It was written as a newspaper serial so it moves in an episodic manner like a Japanese Dickens if his character was a wandering Ronin trying master the sword in the 1600s. (A Ronin was a masterless samurai or a “wave man” because of his wandering nature and was generally looked down upon by other samurai.) Musashi goes on a journey to be the “strongest” swordsman as firearms are becoming more prevalent in Japan so it’s obviously not about becoming the most fearsome warrior around when somebody can shoot you at a fifty yards before you even draw your sword. Musashi gets tied to a tree, locked in a room for years, engages in hella fights, runs away from love as he slowly learns what it truly means when somebody is “strong.” It reminds me of skateboarding because at the end of the day you’re messing around with a toy, but it’s that tool that helps you discover yourself. I’ve seen Tony Hawk take the education he learned while skateboarding and apply the lessons learned to all aspects of life. Tony may be famous now, but when he discovered skating and turned pro it was a loser activity that invited bullying at school. A big part of the MISFIT book is about finding your passion, doesn’t matter what it is—knitting, D&D, art, rollerskating, origami, music—and ignoring all the conformist static about whether it’s worthwhile or “cool.” What where we talking about? Oh yeah, Musashi. The book is a very entertaining way to hang out with somebody as they discover themselves though a passion.
Trickster Makes the World by Lewis Hyde
This book put the stupidest grin on my face the entire time I was reading it. It makes you happy to discover that throughout all of history, regardless of zip code, irrespective of eras and prevailing religion, there has always been the archetypical figure of an outsider ready to cause mischief. The Navajo have the coyote. The ancient Greeks had Hermes. The Australian Aboriginals have the crow. The Norse people have Loki. Africans have Anansi. Diverse cultures across all of humankind not only have a common link with the fire starters, the shit disturbers, the applecart upsetters, but they share a need for them as well.
The most impactful part of this book (for me, at least) is how it breaks down the role of the trickster concept in society, the outsider that stands at the crossroads and causes chaos in order to cross boundaries and manifest social change. Hyde shows the value of the trickster and how it’s inadvertent chaotic action (that sometimes lands it in more trouble than it started with) are necessary to break apart the calcified rules that no longer work for a society in need of change.
The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut
Vonnegut is so courageous in how he tackles incredibly complex questions and existential situations with the plain language and structure of a children’s book. In my experience, part of being weird or unconventional or a nonconformist is that you tend to questions things that the status quo believes to be previously answered all neat and tidy. Every misfit I know is curious and cannot help but pull at the loose threads that society tells us to ignore. When the accepted “norm” doesn’t work for you, there is motivation to start questioning why it doesn’t work and Vonnegut bats around these questions with a rare mixture of humor and clarity.
Check how Vonnegut starts Sirens: “Everyone now knows how to find the meaning of life within themselves. But mankind wasn’t always so lucky.” Then he proceeds to actually lay out the meaning of life! Sirens is another one of those books that hits the absurd tuning fork in you and the vibrations make you laugh without even knowing why. And if a book can make you laugh confidently without consciously knowing why, yet with the awareness that unconsciously there is deep understanding? Well, that is pretty darn special and has a way of making you grateful to be kicking around on this ball of space dirt.
This book reads like a Utopian story rooted in the Great Depression. Cannery Row is a stinky area in NorCal that butts up to the Pacific Ocean and processes fish so it’s definitely not the most esteemed place to live. And that’s how the inhabitants want it. Instead of pining for the “nicer” surrounding areas, the characters—oddballs that make their own way—form their own community. The Row reminds me of how marginalized people with a shared interest organically grow their subcultures and build a miniature society around them. If you’re rejected by mainstream society than it’s only natural to discard its value system and build one from scratch based on your own definition of worth.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Sean Mortimer books include HAWK: Occupation: Skateboarder (coauthored with Tony Hawk), and The Mutt: How to Skateboard and Not Kill Yourself (coauthored with Rodney Mullen). In a previous life, he was a sponsored skateboarder and editor of SkateBoarder magazine, and he has written about outcast lifestyles for the LA Times. He lives in Southern California with his wife and sons.